Blockers

Disclaimer: This  is very much a (selfish) reflective post- full of half baked ideas trying to flesh out meaning and a bit of frustration coupled with procrastination of my studies so be forewarned of some raw thought… (but I sure would appreciate your thoughts, candor, guidance and criticism). 

I’ve been slowly working towards the research/action part of my thesis. My stuff is due up for approval to the School panel in July.  I admit its hard. I’ve gone through many developments of my questions and refined it and confused myself, then had ‘aha’ moments only to be confused again and I’m told this is normal. If it is, its exhausting. Odd coming from an educator who preaches to my flock that learning is hard…don’t give up…do your best…and I’m at the point where I want to give up myself and reflect on is it worth it.

I say this for a few reasons. Is further education worth:

• my time
• my time takes from my family
• my time taken from my work
• my time it takes from fun
• my health

I bet you can see the theme here. Of course thats the nature of study or doing anything else worthwhile in life  I guess. TIME.  Higher education whereby you commit to study on your own in depth to make some significant contribution to the broader community. I so admire those that have done this successfully. I wonder often if I have what it takes to this. Its a real push. I love what I do, I love the opportunities I have at my new school. This helps a lot.

My study is essentially about the blockers and facilitators of ‘Global Mindedness’ in schools in Jakarta. It’s been hard to define what Global Mindedness means , Ive read a lot about what it is or should be but- placing this within a specific culture (s) and observing how it ‘is’ in a school community, curriculum.  Its confusing.  I’ve been at this for almost 4 years, my question, my wonderings.

So Ive come to a fork in the road so to speak and need to narrow down that question, methodology to drive me the rest of the way. I’ve read so much but have written very little. My advice to those pursuing EdD or especially PhD is to read a lot but write more. Keep good notes too. I really sucked at that. Lesson learned the hard way. I’d qualify to speak to a Grad class at a Uni about all the things you should NOT do when writing a thesis, even though I knew better.

So I’m left with a feeling of frustration. But I wont give up of course but I felt writing this post helps, (on a Friday night) to try to re-focus. This Friday night I go through my notes, resources to try to find my centre.